i woke up unhappy and grumpy today, cried myself to sleep last nite after wat i've heard of wat happened to my dear fren Su Pei. I was upset and cried when i left my frens at our HQ, guess i'm also lucky as the the boys rang me up asking wat's going on.
5 yrs ago, i lost my daddy due to lung cancer, he suffered for 11 months and passed away on Nov 2001. the whole family still suffered for years before we could actually stand up again and smile.. not long after that, my goodmate Lisa introduced me to Jenny... her daddy had brain cancer, i helped as much as i could, as much as i kno fr wat i experienced fr my daddy.. Jenny's dad passed away in Dec 2002 on her birthhday itself.. i couldn't stop tears of rain as it bring me all the sad memories.... and i tot, we can embrace each other and b strong together and continue our journey...
i tried so hard to move on with life, try to smile happily each day and do wat i wanna do, i can't even think of my dad at all... tears will roll down... until.. my goodmate Max's dad suddenly fell into coma with brain virus which took him a few weeks only... I walked with my frens side by side when they lost their daddy, cried tears together.. tears that are so familiar to me just as when i lost my dad...
later in 2005, i was moving on with life and continue to achieve wat my daddy wanted me to achieve, i couldn't smile whole hearted when i finally graduated my degree... in my mind, the only thing i can think of is.. Daddy wont be here for my graduation, the family picture will be incomplete without him... i wish to see him smile proudly as the only children he had has finally made his dream come true....
... until my gf Su Pei found tat she has brain tumor, she went for surgery... a few months later i heard she started radiation and chemo.. i said to myself OH GOD! WHy.. Why are ppl surrounding me suffers from cancer? why u want me to go thru this again and again and again... before i left for london, only 2 to 3 months after her surgery, i heard she has another attack... 6 months after that, when i came back from london, she hasn't stop her radiation / chemo... i was thinking... Dear God, she is only 26 years old. what did she do to deserve this? Doesnt she deserve a life like everyone of us?.... until..
JC told me that the tumor has spread to her spine bone... i had a bad feeling.. something i felt 5 yrs back... but i keep silent.. everyone was discussing on which hospital is the best, which doc is the best... why not ask.. anything Su Pei wanna do to be happy? anything she wanna have or enjoy at this moment?... last nite's news was worst i've heard.. they found a huge tumor on her right brain.. my heart sank like titanic...or worst...
a fren Kev called me, i couldn't talk at all..he noticed and send me a sms, after awhile.. he said.. life is fragile... i wonder... how fragile is our life?
have u ever tot of... if i would to D.. in a few months time, wat would i wanna do? wat do i wanna finish / accomplish to fulfill this current life?
a Guy fren of mine got in touch wit me lately, saying he is depressed as just broke up.. can't sleep cant eat.. wanna die... i wish i can see him so i can slap him and show him people who are suffering from critical illness waiting for.... the day... what are they thinking? what are their wish? do they think back.. i wish i have more time to do tis... i wish i've told tat someone something...
how fragile is our life? it's a one way ticket... use it freely or carefully? it's up to you.. but then.. you are not the master of command in this game...
all i can do is think of what i can do to help SP at the moment, my frens are kinda shock to hear wat i said..and they wish there are some hopes for SP. i cant say much or anything.. except.. please say a prayer for her..
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Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so.
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